Getting Over Painful Past
Jesus Christ is Lord, and the Lord's law is written on the heartHealing Past Hurts Offered to the body of Jesus Christ, 2003-2012by David W. Eckman at lordslaw.comBasic ConceptsWhat kind of hurts are we talking about?Healing past hurts or emotional wounds has been referred to by a number of names: 'inner healing', 'healing of memories' and 'soul healing'. Regardless of what you call it, this lesson addresses those hurts, those emotional wounds, that result from events in our lives such as rejection, abandonment, abuse, neglect, violence, insecurity and being embarrassed, shamed, terrorized, scared, manipulated or otherwise controlled.
Our concern is with hurts, wounds and pain that remain long after the events that caused them, hurts that have not healed and therefore disrupt people's lives. Calling such hurts 'scars' is inappropriate: A scar indicates healing of a wound, and the tissue of a scar is typically stronger than the tissue around it. Unhealed hurts are open wounds that continue to fester and flare up, causing emotional pain and suffering, sometimes physical discomfort and illness, sometimes even serious disruption.When dealing with such hurts, it helps greatly to recognize that a spiritual background attends and infact permeates them. With that recognition, we can both receive and minister healing much more effectively.
Forone thing, such hurts almost invariably arise from the work of the enemy, the spirit or spirits that oppose and the wholeness YHWH intends for all of us to enjoy. Therefore, healing past hurts or emotional wounds typically requires dealing with what the enemy has done.
Luke 13:11-16 tells of a woman who had been bent double by 'a spirit' until Jesus freed her from her bondage. Jesus attributes her bondage to Satan. The account does not indicate that she suffered a physical injury or illness that Jesus healed or from which he made her well or whole. He freed her from bondage.
And the bondage had spiritual roots. Although we are not told that the spirit's affliction attended a past hurt, that record illustrates some of what healing past hurts is about. And the experience of many Christians who serve Jesus by helping others receive such healing confirms the healing's power and demonstrates that YHWH, who created us, is also our healer. Although he has made us self-healing, he stands ready to help that process when we need it.When I see phrases like 'let go of', 'move on from' or 'get over' the past or hear people talk about having trouble letting go of their past, moving on in their lives or getting over something that's happened to them, I recognize a need for healing of past hurts.
People cannot 'let go' of their past, nor should they try. They might be able to 'move on', but the pain of the past remains. And telling people to 'get over it' only adds more pain. The pain of past hurts creates a form of bondage.
What these folks really need is freedom from the hurts, the psychological wounds, the painful memories, the 'broken heart', the emotional baggage, that interferes with enjoying their lives. The events that produced those hurts and memories may constitute a very small part of people's past, but the hurts and memories have an inordinate impact on their present. When Jesus heals those past hurts, he transforms the memories, removing the pain. He also enables the person to begin remembering and enjoying the more pleasant memories of the past.
I can testify to this from my own experience and the experience of others with whom my wife and I have prayed. Instead of letting go of the past, therefore, I encourage everyone suffering from past hurts to reclaim the past by getting those hurts and the emotional pain healed.Where do the hurts reside?When the past hurt or wound addressed in this lesson results from a broken relationship, people often call it a broken heart, no doubt from the physical pain people typically experience in their chest.
But hearts do not break, nor do they harbor such hurts or wounds or even the emotional pain. Such hurts reside in our memories and affect the way we think, the choices or decisions we make, the emotions we feel, and inner and outward reactions to other people and what they say, as well as both pleasant and painful events. The people who recorded the Bible referred to the place where such activity occurs with a number of words and phrases, some of which we translate as 'heart', 'soul', 'mind', 'spirit', 'innermost being' and 'inward parts'. Today, many, if not most, of us who minister in this type of healing refer to that place simply as the soul ( psyche in Greek), which generally encompasses what we might call personality or individuality: thoughts, will, memories, and emotions. Even when the hurts have been thoroughlysuppressed and no longer infect the conscious memory, they can remain open wounds and affect the quality of our lives.Why bother with past hurts?If allowed to remain unhealed, such hurts can lead to many types of problems, some quite serious.For example, psychologists inform us that depression often results from anger that has not beenreleased or resolved.
The anger arises from a particular hurt, which for various reasons, the person feeling it is not able or allowed to express constructively but stuffs down inside. Sometimes depression results from fear and anxieties that people suppress and do not discuss, leaving a feeling of hopelessness, what some describe as having no control. In some people that depression can lead to suicide or acts that harm other persons, including close family members. Other people experience what medicine calls psychosomatic illnesses, actual physical illnesses that have psychological roots. Sometimes people with such unhealed hurts withdraw into a shell, while others may exhibit various forms of rage or an inability to relate to others in a healthy way. Some with such hurts inflict on others the same acts that produced the hurts in them, particularly in abuse cases.From personal experience and that of others, I would say that everyone has past hurts that want healing, some much less serious than others. Everyone can benefit from healing those hurts.
To use one woman's imagery, as we grow up from childhood and suffer various hurts that are not resolved or healed, we are like houses in which the garbage (the unresolved, unhealed hurt) is thrown into the basement and after a few years,the entire house begins to stink. To borrow from Jesus' image of a person delivered from the spirit whichthen wanders in waterless places only to return with seven buddies to make the person's condition worsethan it was originally ( Matt. 12:43-45, Luke 11:24-26), we are like houses that have broken windowsand doors and have begun to decay from abuse and neglect, and the spirits that cause us to miss's mark for us are like bums who move in and out of the house, trashing it at willbut not always present.Healing past hurts helps, for example, when a person feels particularly anxious or insecure, becomes addicted, is easily angered or hurt, frequently feels resentful, bitter or depressed, finds it difficult to hold or enjoy a job, or cannot maintain healthy relationships with others. A person should consider healing past hurts when suffering anxiety attacks, autoimmune conditions and similar conditions or diseases. Such conditions often arise when people suppress and do not express the emotions they feel while undergoing negative and painful experiences, whether physical, verbal, or psychological.
The normal reaction to such experiences is 'fight or flight', to respond aggressively or to escape. Unfortunately, too many victims do neither but merely endure the hurts and 'stuff' the emotions into some internal closet. And for some people, when a person does that over a long period, suffering repeated hurts that don't heal, the body begins to react in harmful ways. Too often, the victim has forgotten the deep, unhealed wound of such accumulated hurts after having gotten away from the source for several years. But the wound remains and festers.
And the physical reaction appears later in life and may contribute to serious illnesses, such as autoimmune conditions, some forms of arthritis or cancer. Even a small measure of healing for such past hurts can help when a person suffers from a physical problem that does not have a clearly discernable external, physical cause (and maybe even when it does).From observing and knowing several people diagnosed with mental illness, I have begun to believethat such illnesses are spiritually related. But not all mental or emotional problems are: some may becaused by injury or physical problems. A spiritually related problem may begin in prior generations, makingit a generational problem, or it may develop from things an individual has done. Most past hurts, however,seem to be wounds (not scars) from childhood, perhaps some trauma, some event incorrectly perceived, someunfilled emotional or physical need, or some other cause. Whatever caused them, past hurts typically seemto stunt an individual's maturity and growth and sometimes even reverse it.How do we know when healing happens?A healthy soul is one that is mature, whole, unblemished in 's eyes.
Jesus lives init, and it lives in Jesus, becoming presentable to YHWH by receiving the sanctification that enables it to see him (see Heb. In a healthy soul, we see an ability to love unconditionally, understand deeply and act and react appropriately and consistently with YHWH's word. Healing past hurts or emotional wounds helps a person toward that maturity.Regular study of the Bible over many years has taught me that YHWH wants us to progress from being totallyself-centered, our condition in infancy, to being God- and other-centered, from primary concern for what wewant or need to concern for what YHWH wants and others need, becoming true instruments of YHWH's peace in atroubled and selfish world. That is true maturity, true holiness, real manhood and real womanhood. For too many people, religious rituals and practices focus on self- how to manipulate a higher power to produce a benefit for the supplicant. True Christianity, on the other hand, expects us to leave self behind, while remaining in control of what we do- a remarkable feat that is totally beyond all human ability. That, I believe, is why YHWH gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit.Now, lest anyone misunderstand, being God- and other-centered does not mean neglecting our own needs.On the contrary, it requires meeting our needs so that we can serve YHWH and others without our needs interfering.In other words, our primary concern should not be ourselves, but we should take care of ourselves.
In addition, wemust recognize that desires are not needs. To confuse them is a sign that we need greater maturity.How do we get the healing?If you'd like to try this by yourself, you can ask to heal you from somethingthat's been bothering you. But finish studying this entire lesson first.
Knowing what happens during suchsessions helps if you seek your own healing. For example, when YHWH revealed that I suffered from insecuritythat had contributed greatly to outbursts of anger, I asked YHWH to take me to the memory that he would healto remove it. One by one, he reminded me of three incidents that happened when I was 6 years old. Because ofthe shame their memory carried, I had never told anyone about them. As I recalled each of them in sequence,seeing them in my mind's eye, he appeared in them with me. In the most shameful one, he sat with me, not sayinga word, not even putting his arm around me, just accepting me as I was. I did not associate the memories with myinsecurity, and at the time, I was not aware of any change.
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But about a year later, I realized that I was no longer worrying as much as I had and that I no longer got angry as often or as easily as I had. Still later, I realized that he had transformed the memories, so that now when I recall them, he is a part of them, and I feel no shame. In fact, I am now able to tell about them freely.When I went to YHWH for that healing, I already had some experience praying with folks for healing of their past hurts and had done quite a lot of reading about the subject, so I knew that YHWH often heals a past hurt by appearing in the memory of it.
In fact, that seems to be the most common method of healing, but for folks who have trouble visualizing, especially if the memory involves a lot of pain, he uses other methods. In fact, ifthe variety encountered by my wife and me in praying with others is any indication, he has an infinite variety ofways he helps people receive healing from past hurts. As Christians, how we deal with past hurts and receive YHWH's healing depends largely on him and our willingness to trust him with our welfare. From my own experience, I know our part is not easy, because humans throw up obstacles and barricades to protect themselves from further wounding. It often takes time to let him inside those protective barriers. Pain or shame, for example, may attend recall of a painful memory, so we tend to avoid recalling it.
Therefore, I encourage you not to give up if your first venture into such healing seems fruitless. As I heard John Wimber say, 'Be an animal.' Get your healing and don't surrender to discouragement.If you seek healing of a past hurt on your own, read through the following instructions for prayerministers to familiarize yourself with the process and the scriptures I've provided. Your goal is to receivewhatever YHWH chooses to give you.
So find a place without distractions and relax. Take a few deep breaths to help you relax. Then you might want to read the verses in Psalm 103 that I have highlighted or some other scripture that will put you in a receiving mode. Try to relax your mind if you find it dwelling on anything. Then simply ask YHWH to heal. You might ask him, as I did, to heal whatever memory is causing a problem.
Don't be concerned if he takes you to a memory that does not seem very significant. When I went to YHWH for my healing, he chose memories that I had already prayed for him to heal.
I expected him to take me to a memory of one of my most traumatic childhood experiences, one that I knew caused a lot of insecurity. He didn't do it then, and even when I've gone back for further healing, he never has. Take whatever he gives you and let him process it and redeem you from it.If you try to receive the healing yourself and do not think it's happening, you may find it helpful toseek out a prayer minister who has experience with healing of past hurts. You may even have the good fortune tofind one who has a gift for such healing.
But regardless of whom you select, remember that YHWH does the healing when he wants, the way he wants and at the speed he wants, so don't start with expectations of instant healing.Instructions for Prayer MinistersFundamentalsIn the following instructions, I will refer to the person who is praying for another as the prayer minister and the person being prayed for as the prayer subject. When we pray for someone to be healed from past hurts, we are escorting them through an experience with. The nature of that experience is YHWH's, so we have to leave the results entirely to him. Maintain high hopes and low expectations. Don't be discouraged by having an expectation of what will or should happen; don't miss what YHWH is doing by having a preconceived idea of how the healing should proceed.It is helpful but not necessary if the prayer minister has experienced healing from a past hurt. But nothaving experienced such healing should not deter you from helping someone else.
Getting Over Past Hurts In Marriage
Just take an early opportunity toreceive it.The prayer subject must recognize the need for healing and truly desire it. Forcing or urging prayer onsomeone doesn't work and may cause harm.For best results, a prayer subject usually should commit to several prayer sessions, or until the prayerminister senses that the minister's involvement with that subject is finished or praying with that subject has hita wall. The prayer subject may not be finished but may need another prayer minister to continue the prayer. Thereis also a danger that the prayer subject may become dependent or begin fulfilling a social need, rather than focuson healing.YHWH does the healing. Beware feelings of discouragement: They mean that something personal in you has hooked into the process.
Such as enmeshment in the prayer subject's problems, collecting trophies or notching one's gun, or identification with the prayer subject.Compassion and objectivity are not mutually exclusive: Beware emotional involvement but also recognize the possibility that some emotion you feel may point to an emotional barrier in the prayer subject or may be a word of knowledge from YHWH.I prefer healing the soul rather than deliverance. They often have the same results, but healing tends to be more permanent. Broken doors and windows through which ungodly spirits operate are repaired and closed by healing. The basement is cleared of garbage. Deliverance does not necessarily achieve that.Deliverance may be needed, however, so be prepared, and if it is, ask for YHWH's anointing, because deliverance is best done under YHWH's anointing.
Since Jesus gave no reason for those who abide in him to fear anything during deliverance, do not be afraid to do it when it is needed. Just try not to alarm or scare the prayer subject. For example, a loud voice adds nothing.
I minister deliverance in a soft but firm voice. If the prayer minister knows his authority in Jesus, the oppressing spirits will too, and they must obey when commanded to leave. And the prayer minister need not fear what the spirits will do any more than Jesus and his apostles did.Do no harm. The person prayed for should feel loved, even if nothing else seems to happen. And we shouldnot be a source of more pain.Make the Bible your primary source of information. Test every other writing or teaching, including mine,against the scripture, in prayer. What fits, keep; what conflicts, reject; what remains in question, shelve forbetter understanding and knowledge.
Following are some of the scriptures that I find helpful. I offer them in noparticular order.